Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I follow the horses. And the horses I follow, follow horses.

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain, With grammar, and nonsense, and learning, Good liquor, I stoutly maintain, Gives genius a better discerning.

Clinton's fakery was so deft and deeply ingrained that it was impossible to tell where it ended and the real Bill Clinton began. This constituted a kind of political genius.

Genius is not a possession of the limited few, but exists in some degree in everyone. Where there is natural growth, a full and free play of faculties, genius will manifest itself.

I make no claim to being a business genius. You can make so much money in this business that it loses its value.

Genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains.

Doorman - a genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible for talent is genius.

I am a genius. Then it amused me to keep saying so, but now it does not. I expected to be happy sometime. Now I know I shall never be.

Churchill was one of the few men I have met who even in the flesh give me the impression of genius. George Bernard Shaw is another. It is amusing to know that each thinks the other is overrated.

The person who figures out how to harness the collective genius of his or her organization is going to blow the competition away.

The genius of the economic machine is in its ability to convert these indulgences into profitability. It converts desire into attention, a grip on our eyeballs and eardrums, which in turn can be marketed to advertisers.

Genius is essentially creative; it bears the stamp of the individual who possesses it.

It's a pity one can't imagine what one can't compare to anything. Genius is an African who dreams up snow.

Better beware of notions like genius and inspiration; they are a sort of magic wand and should be used sparingly by anybody who wants to see things clearly.

The dread of criticism is the death of genius.

Anybody can put things together that belong together. to put things together that don't go together, and make it work, that takes genius like Mozart's. Yet he is presented in the play Amadeus as a kind of silly boy whom the gods loved.

God gives talent. Work transforms talent into genius.

The modes of expression of men of genius differ as much as their souls, and it is impossible to say that in some among them, drawing and color are better or worse than in others.

The eye of genius has always a plaintive expression, and its natural language is pathos.

Susceptibility to the highest forces is the highest genius.

I'm the artist formally known as Beck. I have a genius wig. When I put that wig on, then the true genius emerges. I don't have enough hair to be a genius. I think you have to have hair going everywhere.

Every man is a potential genius until he does something.