I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your .

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel.

I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or, perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.

Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

One of the things I'm proudest of is, on my record 'That Was the Year that Was' in 1965, I made a joke about spending $20 billion sending some clown to the moon. I was against the manned space program then, and I'm even more against it now, that whole waste of money.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug.

There's something mathematically satisfying about music: notes fit together and harmony and all that. And mathematics has to do with abstractions and making connections.

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

An actress must never lose her ego without it she has no talent.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

But in the new math approach the important thing is to understand what youre doing rather than to get the right answer.

You cant be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

Every cinematographer I worked with had his own way of solving problems.

I have problems with machines which aren't gestural.

Women don't like advice. They don't want you to fix their problems, they just want you to listen.

Had the Hebrews not been disturbed in their progress a thousand and more years ago, they would have solved all the great problems of civilization which are being solved now under all the difficulties imposed by the spirit of the Middle Ages.

You can also make explicit certain social problems which, again, would be prejudged or not encountered at all in real life, because people have set up defenses against it. Fantasy allows you to get past defenses.

From dear, dear Gloria Swanson, I learned how to live long, happy and free of health problems. I owe her my life.

I think it's one of the Times' problems that they haven't made it clear to readers what various formats mean.

I don't see this planet being... they're talking about how they're turning around the environmental problems here, but I think it's already too late.

People with fertility problems are not alone. It is a very very common problem for couples today. I've seen statistics that are just staggering.

There are nuclear weapons in China, Iran, Korea and Pakistan. It wouldn't take much to send a couple of warheads off on this planet somewhere that would cause a lot of environmental damage, then if you have got someone who wants to retaliate you have real problems.

That's one of our biggest problems, it's always somebody else's fault instead of our own fault.

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. I dream of our vast deserts, of our forests, of all our great wildernesses.

But clearly at the same time you've got to get out there and connect with voters and actually respond to the needs, the frustrations, whatever problems their now saying are not being adequately solved.